I Don't Know How She Does It

OK, so here we go...first post.

Thought I might start by introducing myself, by way of explaining the name of this blog.

I've got a lot going on. I have a...shall we say, precocious ? 8-year-old son, Carter. I have a full-time career. I am a part-time student. I am active in my community. And recently, to help pay the bills, I've had to take on freelance copy writing, proofreading, and event planning projects. I've also made a commitment to attend these crazy yoga/pilates core & strength classes at least once a week in an effort to incorporate some exercise into my mostly sedentary life (the doctor says it will help combat stress and anxiety).

So, yeah, I keep pretty busy.

People are constantly asking questions like, "how do you do it all?"

I have always been baffled by these questions. How do I do it? I dunno...I just do.

But 2008 was an extremely difficult year. I had some major life changes to deal with, while trying to hold it together for Carter's sake and simultaneously keep everything afloat. It took a tremendous amount of effort and left me exhausted, both physically and emotionally. I am not exaggerating when I tell you I spent every evening of almost the first six months of 2008 sitting on my couch, crying and staring at the wall (OK, well, crying and watching VH1 reality shows...don't judge me).

I started to think about that question: "how do you do it all?"

And I started to doubt myself. Suddenly it felt like too much. Maybe everyone was right. Maybe one person couldn't do that much. So I cleaned house (not literally. I'm allergic to cleaning). I resigned from nearly all my volunteer commitments, no matter how important they were to me. And I continued to lie on the couch. Life had slowed to a barely-moving pace to which I was not accustomed and all that was left were the issues I had to deal with, like it or not.

In 2008 I was stripped down to the very core of who I am. The proverbial push had come to shove and I got a good, hard look in the mirror. And you know what? I feel really good about what I found there. My beliefs and values were tested and did not waver. And while a brief moment of self-doubt made some room for me to process what was going on in my life, I won't ever doubt myself again.

I began to emerge from the darkest, most difficult time of my life, slowly, cautiously.

About halfway through the summer, through a serendipitous chain of events, a group of acquaintances launched a series of get-togethers. We'd been discussing an impending Monday and how we weren't looking forward to it, rarely looked forward to any Monday. This led to the idea of creating something special we could all look forward to on Mondays, taking away the doom-and-gloom stigma Mondays always seem to have. Thus was born the "Monday-Schmonday" parties of 2008.

We would get together at a different person's house each week. Everyone would bring something, and we often had a theme (Ooooh, I just love a theme). In addition to a core group of committed participants, there was a rotating cast of characters who would attend based on the location, date, etc. We represented a broad range of ages, backgrounds, and lifestyles. It was a perfectly magical mix of people. We would sit around in backyards and on patios and eat and talk about nothing and everything and we would laugh...a lot. Carter and I bonded very quickly and very deeply with our Monday pals. I was grateful for the Monday parties while they lasted (we abandoned them when summer ended and the weather turned cold) because one of the primary lessons I learned this year was to be very picky about who I spend my time with. I had also become hyper-sensitive about surrounding Carter with people who would be good role models, showing him, by example, what it means to be kind and compassionate and loving. They became extended family to us, lifting us up during a very difficult time.

And this was to be my re-entry into the world. My coming-out. I emerged a little worse for the wear in some ways, but certainly stronger, and with a crystal-clear understanding of who I am.

As the leaves started to change and my tomato plants died off and everyone put away or covered up their patio furniture for the season, we all agreed to go on Monday-Schmonday hiatus and resume the fellowship once the warm weather returns in the spring. I hope we do.

Carter went back to school. He signed up for sports. He begged for music lessons. I took a deep breath and faced the fall semester. I planned programs and events for work. I took on freelance projects. I agreed to chair a committee. I registered for yoga at a new studio downtown. Life returned to its normal level of craziness.

How do I do it all?

I had a mantra I repeated over and over to myself throughout 2008. It was a difficult year, and every time I felt like I couldn't possibly take any more heartache, couldn't possibly accomplish all that needed to be done, every time panic started to settle in, I would stare it down and remind myself that people go through worse all the time and they come out just fine. You get through it, you do it all, because you don't have a choice. There's nowhere to go but straight on through.

Straight on through....


Straight on through....